I called a friend a few months ago and the conversation left me puzzled. It was the typical discussion. We talked about work and our personal relationships. We live 1500 miles from each other, so when we’re on the phone we really have to catch up. From the outside he is the perfect catch. He owns his own company. He’s financial well off. He’s handsome. Very into fitness. He’s great to be around. On the inside he’s the type of guy most women would run away from, but even a greater amount of women would take him under their wing and try to “fix” him. Women and their projects. I blame it on the movies that depict the ultimate bad boy slowing down and changing to fit the conservative all around good girl’s perspection of what she thinks her ideal partner should be. Underneath the surface he is a man that chased so many skirts that he let a good one go. They tried the relationship thing, but his life was preoccupied with other things. But here’s the kicker… they maintain a friends with benefits status, she guilt’s him about seeing other women, she stalks his Facebook page, he finds out who she’s dating and forwards inappropriate pictures of her to the new boyfriend.
It’s the relationship built-in hell. They are so dependant on each other that they can’t stand to be a part, but so set in their ways that they don’t know what to do in a relationship. The drama is like an aphrodisiac. It’s the stimulant to their incredible make up sex. And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, he says “I like her doing that stuff it shows me that she cares.”
The words replayed in my head over and over again. It shows me that she cares. This man was addicted to drama. He liked it. He likes it more than some females I know. He needs to know he’s desired and wanted by her even if it’s not in a positive way. His defense is when we’re together we’re great together. My response… Bullshit. If that were the case you’d be making it work right now. Instead both of you are playing with each other’s emotions to feed a fire until it explodes and leads to make up sex, followed by a week of peace and then back on the same old grind.
I asked him ” wouldn’t you rather be in a healthy relationship?” He responded with a “yes, but I really love her”. “No you’re not in love. You realize that your ‘that’s how I know she really cares’ defense of her behavior is the reply most battered women give to the cops after they have been beat up throughly by their scumbag husbands?” That statement was followed by silence. The truth held its own even between two friends miles apart. We both know I was right. Until he ends up like Charlie Harper splattered in the terminal of a English subway he won’t get it. Perhaps another love will come into his life that doesn’t use the drama like foreplay to the main event.
The truth is there are so many relationships out there that use this drama to hold their relationship together like glue. From my experience it never works out. Its like expecting a chewed up piece of gum can honestly stop a leaky dam from disintegrating in the overwhelming power of water. One day the cracks in the relationship will be too much and all hell will break loose. Good thing I came prepared with a life raft because I can’t give in to the S&M relationship. :-)
Oct 06, 2011 @ 20:16:13
You are right guys are very much addicted to drama and I’m having a very dramatic relationship of my own right now. For starters I’m 35 & he’s 25, mistake right? Funny, when I was 25 most of the 25 year old men I knew were goal oriented. They were fighting to give up their teenage bad boy behavior and fly the straight and narrow because they were making families and these families need them to be responsible and supportive.
They are making the 25 year olds way different then they did 10 years ago. My guy, when I met him for lack of a better word was one of the cutest bums I’d ever met. I was walking down the block on my way to work and I saw him out of the corner of my eye, he spoke, I barely heard him because I had my ipod on but took it off my ears because I could tell he was talking to me. He was wearing a white T…anyone from the hood knows that guys who walk around with just a plan white T on are normally not the kind of guys you want to try to date and have a healthy relationship with but when I finally gave him my full attention I looked into his light brown eyes, was intrigued my his smile and thought him to be fairly intelligent. He gave me his number and honestly I couldn’t wait to call him. I figured why not, I’m single, we’ll just have a little fun.
4 days later I invited him over to my place and he instantly fell into my bossom, started messaging my hand, stroking my thigh, breathing heavily on my neck and I said good girl behave but the good girl good resist the bulge I saw and felt growing in his jeans and I led him to my bedroom and we had very passionate sex. He left and asked me to call him in the morning. I did and we were on our way to becoming inseperable. We couldn’t get enough of each other, and I easily started showing him so much love that by the end of the week he was asking to use my car and I let him only for him to be gone with it until 7 a.m and me calling him frantically damn near every hour wondering when and if he’d bring it back….this is were the drama began and has been escalating since.
Any sane woman would’ve dropped him after that but no, I let him rent a car in my name and he ran off with for the longer then he was suppose to and refused to bring it back so I reported it stolen. When I told him he didn’t believe me, got pulled over but because of my coming to claim the car..got off scott free but then threatened me into giving him the money back that he’d paid for the car. I was so afraid at first that I gave it to him and he was still calling, still texting, still needing me and we became very co-dependent. He needed me and I needed to be needed. So much so that he started asking for large sums of money to feed his (gambling) addiction, although I’m still questioning on whether or not that’s the addiction he’s feeding and I gave him whatever he asked for slowly watching my savings decrease until the point where I said no more.
Once he finally got a car of his own I barely see him and he’s always on my block with his friends, in my neighborhood and he won’t even come spend the night with me anymore. Although last time he did spend the night with me he left in morning with my brand new $250 phone and never brought it back. I’m sure he sold it, never paid back the $300 he borrowed for a supposed emergency and here I was pissed that I was sleeping alone at night and on my way to work I see his car parked down the street in front of his friends place and he didn’t even bother to come see me so I took the blade I had in my purse and in broad daylight 7:30 a.m I slashed two of his tires. Of course he knew I did it, anybody who might have been on their way to work that morning knew I had did it. I was so enraged that I didn’t care the sun was shining bright and all could see, I just wanted him to be pissed when he saw it. He actually wasn’t pissed about it, probably had a good laugh with his friends about it but now he’s harassing and threatening me to give him the money to pay for the tires and I’m refusing, so now he’s threatening to do something to my car. Now everyday I’m looking over my shoulder parking my car blocks away just as a precaution that he might do what he claims he’s going to do. We text he each the most hateful and awful things daily and neither of us is budging. He faithfully contacts me, I had six missed calls from him just this morning although I avoided him all last night.
Addicted to drama indeed…I know all I need to do stop responding, change my number but something really screwed up in me is either addicted to the attention, no matter how negative it is or just likes that even after all of this he still either finds me interesting or wants to use me for something. Yeah, we’ve both got it bad and I desperately need to know how to make it stop!!