I called a friend a few months ago and the conversation left me puzzled. It was the typical discussion. We talked about work and our personal relationships. We live 1500 miles from each other, so when we’re on the phone we really have to catch up. From the outside he is the perfect catch. He owns his own company. He’s financial well off. He’s handsome. Very into fitness. He’s great to be around. On the inside he’s the type of guy most women would run away from, but even a greater amount of women would take him under their wing and try to “fix” him. Women and their projects. I blame it on the movies that depict the ultimate bad boy slowing down and changing to fit the conservative all around good girl’s perspection of what she thinks her ideal partner should be. Underneath the surface he is a man that chased so many skirts that he let a good one go. They tried the relationship thing, but his life was preoccupied with other things. But here’s the kicker… they maintain a friends with benefits status, she guilt’s him about seeing other women, she stalks his Facebook page, he finds out who she’s dating and forwards inappropriate pictures of her to the new boyfriend.
It’s the relationship built-in hell. They are so dependant on each other that they can’t stand to be a part, but so set in their ways that they don’t know what to do in a relationship. The drama is like an aphrodisiac. It’s the stimulant to their incredible make up sex. And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, he says “I like her doing that stuff it shows me that she cares.”
The words replayed in my head over and over again. It shows me that she cares. This man was addicted to drama. He liked it. He likes it more than some females I know. He needs to know he’s desired and wanted by her even if it’s not in a positive way. His defense is when we’re together we’re great together. My response… Bullshit. If that were the case you’d be making it work right now. Instead both of you are playing with each other’s emotions to feed a fire until it explodes and leads to make up sex, followed by a week of peace and then back on the same old grind.
I asked him ” wouldn’t you rather be in a healthy relationship?” He responded with a “yes, but I really love her”. “No you’re not in love. You realize that your ‘that’s how I know she really cares’ defense of her behavior is the reply most battered women give to the cops after they have been beat up throughly by their scumbag husbands?” That statement was followed by silence. The truth held its own even between two friends miles apart. We both know I was right. Until he ends up like Charlie Harper splattered in the terminal of a English subway he won’t get it. Perhaps another love will come into his life that doesn’t use the drama like foreplay to the main event.
The truth is there are so many relationships out there that use this drama to hold their relationship together like glue. From my experience it never works out. Its like expecting a chewed up piece of gum can honestly stop a leaky dam from disintegrating in the overwhelming power of water. One day the cracks in the relationship will be too much and all hell will break loose. Good thing I came prepared with a life raft because I can’t give in to the S&M relationship. :-)